I'm Down

I'm down and not just a little bit. No, I'm not talking about my weight...I wish (stupid monthly visitor always messes that up). But yesterday I got the blood test results from my second thyroid test. It turns out the dose they've been giving me is too high and I have to go down to the next lowest dose...which is the lowest possible dose.

Why would this get me down? Doesn't it mean my body isn't as messed up?

NO! It means I have no idea why my body is holding on to this stupid weight! I exercise every freaking day...EVERY DAY! In the past four and a half months, since I started working out so much, I am about 5 pounds down. I've gone up and down with those same stupid pounds. Sure, the Wii Fit brought them down since they'd gone up. But gosh dang it, I was hoping my thyroid was the key, the piece keeping me from finding results. But nope, now I just have a messed up body that wants to be fat.

I don't know what to do. I seriously exercise every day, usually for more than an hour. Yesterday was for THREE hours. Yes, three. I went to the gym in the morning for an hour and a half with a trainer. Then while dinner was in the oven and my husband was watching the girls I went back for half an hour, then after the girls were in bed I did the Wii Fit for an hour. Today was only a little over an hour, 51 minutes on the Wii Fit and 10 minutes of ab work. Shouldn't I see results if I'm doing this so often???

The doctor said I must be gaining muscle...you know what I say to that??? B.S.!!!!! My clothes still fit the same, my body is still squishy. Muscle my rear end! My body HATES me!!!!!!!!

You know what's not fair? I'm not looking to be sickly skinny. I just want to be a size 8 or even a 10 and I'd be happy. I have a TON of clothes in those sizes from before I had my 2 beautiful daughters. It shouldn't be this hard...I'm putting forth the effort, where are my results???

Sorry, I'm really bummed. I feel lost. I feel frustrated. I feel helpless. I really don't know what to do...