Thursday, June 20, 2013

Panic Attack??? Am I ready for this?

I'm starting to panic.  My half marathon is less than 2 weeks away.  This has been a goal for so long!  For years I said I was going to run one.  And for years I failed to get to the point where I could.  Back in 2002 before marriage, before kids, before FAT I ran one in Las Vegas.  I met my husband while I was training.  I got distracted.  I pretty much quit training.  I wasn't ready for the race.  But I'd purchased the plane ticket and paid the registration fee (these races aren't cheap!), so I was going to finish one way or another.  I ended up hurting my hip about 8 miles in and spent the rest of the race half walking/half running.  So I don't really feel like I've run a half marathon.

My goal for this race is to run every. single. step.  I'm hoping to run at an 11-12 minute mile pace.  I'm not fast, I've come to terms with that.  When I'm lucky I average a little below an 11 minute mile.  Like today's run.  I averaged 10:57 per mile.  That run really sucked though!  I started over near the county fairgrounds.  It's a great place to run.  Lots of hills, but some shorter (much shorter) areas of flat ground.  But I can run up in the hills in the nice neighborhoods, or on a long stretch of street that's heavily driven on so I feel safe, I can run through the heart of town, which makes this place seem like a small town, and pass the fun little shops...although running past the French bakery as the smells of freshly baked goodness waft out into the air is a little torturous! But despite all those options, this run was HARD!  I had NO energy, not even an ounce.  If I didn't have this half coming up I probably would've convinced myself to stay in bed and workout later...which wouldn't be running because it's getting super hot here by about 10am every day...heck, I was feeling the heat around 7am when I finished.
I don't feel ready for this race.  I should, I ran 12 miles a week and a half ago, then six days later ran 10 miles.  I'm tapering down and my next long run will be 8 miles.  But my normal run a couple days a week, in addition to my once a week long run, is about 5-6 miles and I do interval training 3 days a week too.  I should totally be able to do this.  I've purchased my Shot Bloks for the race.  I have a new water bottle with an iPhone carrying case attached. Totally frivolous purchase, but my husband insisted.  I think he's still having flashbacks to me after my 11 mile run a few weeks ago where I came home, made my daughter's sack lunch for school then sunk down to the floor completely drained.  Hydration is important, I get it.  But races have drink zones.  Oh well.

My stupid inner voice keeps mocking me, telling me I can't do this.  My other inner voice is telling her to shut up.  I'm starting to think I'm crazy for hearing voices.

I have my compression capris from Old Navy, they may not be Lululemon, but they're friggin' awesome!  I can't believe I let myself be seen in public in them, I don't have skinny mini legs, but they're comfortable and way better for running long distances than my normal exercise pants which are not fitted and are all floor length.  And being a size 8 means I'm not exactly fat either...not to my goal, but I'm normal sized.  I'm just thicker in the legs...yay or being a pear shape.  :/  So my self-consciousness be damned, I will be rocking those pants!  And my "Colorado Runners for Boston" shirt that I got at Run Colorado.  

In the meantime, I'll be fighting with those crazy voices in my head and hoping I don't die running! ;)